Rules #40c:
"Beginning All Over Again": Handling Life's Toughest Days
"Swift as the sun revolves the day, we hasten
to the dead. Slaves to the wind, we puff away and to the ground we
tread." (Child's Sampler)
Change is the Only Certain Part of Life
In any lifetime, there will be tough days
that bring unique challenges to everyone. These are days that always
change the course of life (along with advice on how to handle them).
"Tell me, and I'll forget. Show me, and I may not
remember. Involve me, and I'll understand." (Chinese and Native American
Proverb)
Life's Toughest Days - First School:
the first day when you step into the wider world
of school.
*
First School:
From the moment we are born, we are always in the
process of learning. Those parents who help their babies learn by
stimulating them with toys and games jump start their development. First
school can be as early as infant day care or as late as kindergarten.
It is a child's first step into the wider world of life.
*
Best Gift:
The very best gift you can ever give your children
is to love them unconditionally. Even if life parts you from them, your
child will always remember that you loved them… and they will cling to
that love like a life raft. Numerous studies have proven that those
children whose parents/caregivers love them unconditionally always succeed
better in life. The well loved children are in better health, manifest
wealth, and create loving family/friend relationships.
*
Live Without You:
If you want to prepare your child for first school
- as well as for life - what you always must do is to teach your child to
live without you. Teaching your child to think and act for themselves, to
make the right choices (especially when you are not present), and to do
the right thing is your job as parent. Remember that your child will
always be the only one who is always present for them so please help
them to cultivate a good mind and heart.
*
Home Schooling:
In my humble opinion, Home Schooling restricts
a child's development. If school was just about the imparting of
information, then the 100% devotion of teacher to student's learning
would be the best. Yet what each student really learns in school is how
to deal with others who do not share their values, background, or opinions.
A student cannot learn this kind of socialization at home, they can only
learn it by daily contact with their (same age) peers.
*
Advice about First School:
When children are small, it is hard to remember
that they are infinite beings. Before they were born, your children lived
many past lives progressing from a baby to a child to an adult and living
until old age and then dying. As infinite beings they have chosen to work
off the karma needed to help them to grow in joy, love, and awareness.
First School is the first step in their Soul's journey in this new
incarnation they have chosen.
"Happiness is a condition usually attributed by
adults to children and by children to adults ." (Thomas Szasz)
Life's Toughest Days - Teenaged:
the first day when you decide to
start creating who you want to be.
*
Who Am I:
The questions "Who am I?" and "Who do I want to
be?" are most often asked (silently) during those tough teenage years.
When most reach their teenage years, they want to be separate from their
parents… to start being their own person. The problem is most teenagers
do not know who that person is… yet.
*
Fitting In:
he question "Who do I want to be?" is most often
asked in relation to other people. Most teenagers want to "fit in" with
their peers, specifically with the "in group" whose approval they are
seeking. The challenge of "fitting in" is what you are (or are not) be
willing to be or do to gain the approval of others. Will you compromise
your morals and ethics to be "cool" and part of the crowd? Or will you
go your own way and do your own thing? These are very hard choices.
*
Knowing It All:
At the same time teenagers question their own
identity, to others, they often appear to be over confident. This is
the origin of the saying: "Attention Teenagers: Get a job now while you
still know everything!" Teenagers pretend to "know it all" to cover up
the fact that there is so much they need to learn. This is why they
will take so many risks that appear to the adults around them, at best,
foolish and, at worst, dangerous (their brains are still growing).
*
Hypothetical Questions:
Study after study has shown that - contrary to
popular opinion - parents are still the first people that teenagers look
to for advice and support. Many times, teenagers will ask hypothetical
questions about situations that their "friends" have found themselves in.
Of course, they are really asking about themselves and pretending that
they are asking on behalf of someone else makes this conversation easier
for your teenagers (so just play along).
*
Advice about Teenaged:
If you are the parent of a teenager, remember
that they do not yet have the life experience to make correct decisions
and so you must act to protect them from themselves. If you are a
teenager, if you are being highly pressured by peers to do something
that you do not want to do, ask your parents for advice. Remember that
so many teenagers make so many poor decisions having life long
consequences… that seeking advice before acting keeps them safe.
"I never worry about human life because it is the only
thing that takes care of itself." (Napoleon Bonaparte)
Life's Toughest Days - Graduation:
the first day when you know that school is
out forever.
*
Getting Off Track:
In modern societies, the lives of children are
planned by the various levels of school that they must complete.
Whether or not they pursue "higher" education, eventually a child's
schooling ends. When they graduate from their last schooling, they are
on their own for the first time… without a plan.
*
When I Grow Up:
When schooling ends, there is the all important
question of "What I am going to do now that I am all grown up?" Given
that many people will change careers several times during their lives,
this question is relevant for many years after Graduation Day. The
hardest part about this question is that only you can answer it for
yourself. Especially when it comes to career choices, only you can
choose the path of experience that is best for you (as it defines your
life).
*
All Possibilities:
After Graduation Day, the life that you get is
the one that you have chosen. Although it may seem like there are
limitless possibilities, the education you have undertaken and how well
you have done at it start to limit your choices. Yet what really limits
your choices is your thoughts and beliefs about how your future life is
supposed to be. The tragedy here is that you will only get what you
agree to deserve (which is the alternate definition of karma).
*
Self Supporting:
Whatever you do after Graduation Day, you are
best advised to develop skills and knowledge which will allow you to
be self supporting and self sufficient. Graduation Day should serve
as a reminder that you, alone, are the one who is responsible for
making your own way through life. Remember that the only person who
is constantly with you is YOU! To graduate in the school of life,
everyone must learn to become self reliant and self supporting.
*
Advice about Graduation:
The best time to plan for your future is well
before you graduate. The earlier you know what you want to do with
the rest of your life and the more closely your education/training
supports your ambition, the sooner you will succeed. Your dreams and
desires are meant to lead you to the path of greatest growth and
happiness. When you do what you love, the money really will follow
to support you... and your life will be better than you can ever
imagine.
"The value of marriage is not that adults
produce children but that children produce adults." (Peter De Vries)
Life's Toughest Days - Marriage:
the first day when you marry your mate and
join your life to theirs.
*
Two Become One:
Even when you choose to skip the "Bride-zilla
with-all-the-trimmings" wedding, the day you get married to one that
you (presumably) love, it changes everything. Good marriages are the
making of people while bad ones are the breaking of them. Unfortunately,
when two become one, they usually get reduced to the lowest karmic
common denominator (meaning that the "worse" one almost always drags
the "better" one down). So be very careful who you marry.
*
Changing Loyalties:
Once you are married your loyalties shift from
your parents (natal family) to your spouse (marital family). Problems
always result when marital partner(s) remain more loyal to their parents
than to their spouse. Many times, spouses move away from parents to
start a new life and to weaken old loyalties through distance and less
contact. Less often, spouses choose to remain around their birth family.
Either way spouses should be first with one another.
*
Reasons for Marriage:
Apart from the working out of past life karma,
each mate should ask themselves why - beyond romantic love - do they
want to get married. Being pregnant, following the wishes of parents,
rebelling against family, explosive sexual passion: all of these are
poor (but karmic) reasons to get married.
*
Basis for Marriage:
Getting married is easy. Staying married is
hard. Staying married all depends on having a solid basis for bonded,
romantic relationship. Shared beliefs, similar values, common interests,
compatible lifestyles, same leisure activities, mutual friends, and same
sexual preferences: all of these are a solid basis for marriage. Getting
to know one another for, at least, two years before wedding is the best
way to find out if you have a solid basis for marriage with another.
*
Advice about Marriage:
Do your homework. Get married because your
lifestyles mesh, because you are physically compatible, because you are
mentally aligned, because you are emotionally bonded, and because you are
spiritually connected. If you cannot imagine going through every age and
stage of life with a potential partner, do not get married. Only get
married if you are absolutely sure that you are doing the right thing…
for the rest of this lifetime.
"Having one child makes you a parent. Having
two makes you a referee." (David Frost)
Life's Toughest Days - Childbirth:
the first day when your first child comes into
your life.
*
Rocky Passage:
A wife (from past lives) used to call the
process of child bearing the "Rocky Passage" for anything could happen
in the childbed and not every woman emerged from it alive. Although it
is rare, even today, women die in childbirth and their child(ren) still
die along with them. Childbirth is an extremely creative moment where
families are created in a new generation to work through their past
life karma and learn to love one another even more in the future.
*
A New Life:
When you agree to bring children into your life,
you are actually agreeing to make a lifetime commitment to them.
Although a parent's job is the most intense for the first twenty-one
years of life, it is a job that never ends. Time, energy, money,
advice, and support are just a few of the things that children require
over the course of their lifetime. Once you bring a child into your
life, you will find that it will never be the same again (and that can
be a very good thing).
*
Childhood's End:
In many past societies, a male only became a
man when he fathered a child while a female only became a woman when
she carried a child to term. When young people become parents, the
responsibility of having child(ren) means that their own childhood has
come to an end. Those who want to be good parents will find themselves
on a crash course into greater personal maturity… whether they want to
or not (and that can be a very good thing).
*
Pushing Buttons:
Bearing and raising child(ren) will push your
buttons because this triggers your issues. This is what makes child
rearing so difficult. When you chose to have children, you are choosing
a series of tough days as you guide them through their growth and
development and as they do the same for you.
*
Advice about Childbirth:
Be prepared is the best advice you could ever
get about bearing and raising child(ren). Today, there are so many
books full of helpful advice to choose from. Plus, there are always
parents and other helpful friends and family members to fall back on.
Do not be afraid to take advice from others but remember that the final
decision is yours. Choose to enjoy your children while you can and you
will create many happy memories for the entire family.
"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, Love
leaves a memory no one can steal." (from a headstone in Ireland)
Life's Toughest Days - Loss:
the first day when you lose someone important
from your life.
*
Losing Loved Ones:
"It matters less where you go in life, than
who is beside you along the way." When you lose someone who makes your
life feel whole, it is a tough day when they are gone whether due to
accident, illness, or age.
*
Parents Losing Children:
This has to be the toughest loss of all because
parents expect their children to live on after them. In past lives,
this was even harder for parents because children were also their
security for their old age (as employees or caregivers). Every time
an important milestone is reached (holidays, birthdays, and other
anniversaries), the pain of the child's loss is magnified.
*
Children Losing Parents:
The earlier in their life cycle that a child
loses a parent, the harder it is for them. While there are many ways
for the orphaned child to be financially supported, replacing the love
of a natural parent is difficult for some and impossible for many.
Most orphans feel this loss for the rest of their lives.
*
Spouses Losing One Another:
Those mates who are deeply bonded by love are
devastated when they lose their life partner. When the "two become
one" and death tears them apart, the one who remains behind is in for
nothing but long periods of tough days. Many times deeply bonded mates
cannot survive long without one another (typically dying within a year's
time).
*
At Any Time:
Loss can happen at any time and it is never easy.
In past lives, individuals were exposed to death almost from the moment
they were born. Today, death is more traumatic because it is not often
seen until later in life. The first loss always is the hardest to bear
because we must learn to deal with grief as well as losing a loved one
(which is harder since most are so unprepared for it).
*
Advice about Loss:
If you take the time to show those you love how
much you care, this softens the blow of loss. Every time you part from
a family member or a loved one, tell them you love them and show them
with a kiss or a hug. Tell friends how they have contributed to you
and that you appreciate their presence in your life. This way, if you
lose them, you can always be assured of one thing: they died knowing
how much you cared and this helps you to feel at peace with their loss.
"Old age is the most unexpected of all things to
happen to a person." (Leon Trotsky)
Life's Toughest Days - Aged:
the first day when you know that you are no
longer young.
*
Physically:
It is very hard to watch your own body and see
the signs of age. Wrinkles in your skin, age spots on your body,
stiffness in your joints, grey in your hair: all these say you are
aging. These come so gradually that a few of them have to pile up
before you even notice. Then one day you see enough of them and you
must reluctantly admit that you have aged to the point that you are
now old.
*
Mentally:
It is very hard to watch your own mind and see
the signs of age. Recalling stored information gets slower, some
memories get lost, others are confused: all these say you are aging.
Mental unclarity, unfortunately, is more easily noticed than physical
incapacity. Yet, there are tools, like "Brain Age", which can help to
slow or even halt mental decline. So be flexible, stay open minded,
practice positivity, commit to regular learning, and you will keep your
brain alive and well.
*
Emotionally:
It is very hard to watch your own emotions and
see the signs of age. As one ages, often (but not always) they become
impatient with unimportant matters that seemed important when one has
all the time in the world. In the scenario of diminishing time, "what
you were going to do someday" has to be done now if it is going to be
done. So do what you have always wanted to do - now.
*
Unexpected:
Old age is unexpected. You are just living
your life - as usual - and then old age throws you an expected curve.
Most often it is illness: what always used to worked everyday, all
the time, can fail in a day. Ironically, you come to a greater
appreciation of how your body works when you experience it failing.
*
Advice about Aged:
Old age is inevitable: it is the one human
condition that cannot be healed (despite the persistent of efforts of
humans to do so). Ageing gracefully means accepting that life must
move a bit more slowly but realizing the life experience can move
things forward faster. The best way to age is to take care of yourself,
to take things easier, to make healthy lifestyle choices, and to
remember old age pushes us toward better karma and our next
incarnation.
Change is the Only Certain Part of Life
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