Exercise: Inner Child Work- Resolving the "To Do"/"To Be" Dilemma
Summary: Reconnecting with Your Inherent Divinity and Worthiness
For Quick Access to This Exercise:
To get to the parts of this exercise you are most interested in viewing, click on the link below to go there. For best results, read through the entire exercise at least once.
Background on This Exercise
Background: The most powerful learning I ever received in my life was the only correct answer to the following question. The question was "What is it that makes a person worthy to be loved?" When this question was put to a group of highly intelligent professionals, their answers fell into two categories:
1> "To Do-ers" felt that worthiness was a result of what a person was willing TO DO to get love (as in "I am a good husband because I bring home a good paycheck, mow the lawn, etc").
It might astound you to know that BOTH these answers are WRONG. What makes a person worthy to be loved is NOT what they are willing to DO or to BE. What makes a person worthy to be loved is simply because they BELIEVE they are worthy to be loved APART from whatever it is that they are doing or being.
Goal: Every society in the world today falls into the "To Do" (the West) or "To Be" (the East) philosophy. Since everyone in every society has a common need to be loved, the world is full of "To Do-ers" and "To Be-ers". The problem is that at the core of your being is your inner child who needs to be loved because it "is".
Your inner child is an "I am-er" meaning it is worthy to be loved simply because it exists. Love is the only medicine that can cure it's deep wounds. Until your inner child is at peace, it will throw the most mature adult in chaos if it is not recognized, nurtured, and loved. By loving the child inside, you help the adult outside to reconnect with your inherent divinity ("Iam-ness") as God intended.
Preparation: Careful preparation is the key to making it successful for you.
1> Before you attempt to do this exercise, you must decide whether you are a "ToDo-er" or a "ToBe-er" or whether you are both.
If you have aspects of both inside you, then you must do this exercise twice. First handle the "ToDo-er" aspect of yourself one week, REST, and then handle to the "ToBe-er" aspect at least one week later (3 weeks rest is preferable).
2> Do this exercise at night after you have taken a bath but before you have gone to bed. It is best you do it when you will be able to sleep the next day (do it Friday night if you can rest on the weekend).
sweating in a sauna or steam room is good cleansing.
4> Being comfortable is the key. You need to wear comfortable, loose fitting clothing. You will also need to do this in a room that has a mirror. Bathrooms work well for this because:
a> there is usually a large mirror,
5> Do this exercise in a peaceful place where you will be completely quiet and undisturbed for the entire session. This session should last for as long as your inner child needs. Since children (even inner ones) have short attention spans, this exercise usually takes less than 30 minutes.
6> ALWAYS ACT with absolute conviction that what you are imagining is REAL. To your inner child, there is NO difference between what is real and what is imagined. This is why a healing IMAGINED can have a REAL result (like the cancer patients who healed themselves by imagining away their disease).
7> Be patient with yourself in the time to come. Healing your inner child can be quite disorienting until the changes are fully integrated. It is VERY powerful and it takes time for the work that you have done on the inner bodies to be reflected in your outer body ("as above, so below").
Before You Begin Either the "ToDo" or the "ToBe" exercise:
1> Look at yourself in the mirror and think back to when you were a child (in this lifetime). Give your Inner Child permission to bring the pain you endured when you were either trying "TO DO" or "TO BE" something as a child to get the love that you so desperately wanted.
2> Acknowledge your Inner Child's pain by saying the phrases below with as much passion and emotion as you can while staring deeply into your own eyes:
"I know you are not happy. I respect your feelings."
If you are a "ToDo-er" continue below, if a "ToBe-er" click here.
"ToDo-er" Exercise includes the following additional steps:
3> Acknowledge to yourself that if you have
"TO DO" something to get love, then
* what you believe is that ACTION is required to produce a RESULT of love and
4> Fill your memory with incidents where you were made to feel that you were NOT DOING enough. Listen to the voices of others who said you were not doing enough and pay attention to how you feel at your core: where your inner child is.
If you cannot hear the voices clearly, imagine the phrases below being spoken by those who have told you that you were NOT DOING enough.
"No one REALLY likes you for who you are."
5> The only medicine to cure a bad case of "ToDo-ism" is good healthy dose of self acceptance. Most often a "ToDo-er" cannot accept themselves as they are due to a painful rejection by a loved one(s). To heal this pain, the "ToDo-er" will first need to TAKE ACTION to heal the core issue(s). If there is no core incident, then a shorter version of this process needs to be applied:
a> While looking in the mirror, visualize yourself as both your guardian angel (responsible for raising your self acceptance) and your inner child (who has difficulty with self acceptance).
Example of "ToDo-er" Exercise:
At the end of this exercise, your inner child should feel
empowered enough to reclaim the "chunks of
him/herself" that others have taken from him/her by
convincing him/her that she/he must always do more.
"You are a wonderful person: I support all that you do."
"ToBe-er" Exercise includes the following additional steps:
3> Acknowledge to yourself that if you have
"TO BE" something to get love, then
4> Fill your memory with incidents where you were made to feel that you were NOT BEING enough. Listen to the voices of others who said you were not good enough and pay attention to how you feel at your core: where your inner child is.
If you cannot hear the voices clearly, imagine the phrases below being spoken by those who have told you that you were NOT BEING enough
5> The only medicine to cure a bad case of "ToBe-ism" is good healthy dose of self esteem. Most often a "ToBe-er" cannot value themselves as they are due to the barrage of criticism they have received over the years from those around them. To heal this pain, the "ToBe-er" will first need to BECOME MORE OF WHO THEY REALLY ARE to heal such deeply inflicted wounds:
Example of "ToBe-er" Exercise: At the end of this exercise, your inner child should feel empowered enough to believe that his/her dreams can come true by convincing him/her that she/he is perfect just the way he/she is.
This is because you as guardian angel have told him/her things like:
When all the layers of "ToDo-ism" and "ToBe-ism" have been removed, you will be ready to embrace the "Iam-ness" of yourself as a spiritual being in human form. May your blessings be.
Example: are included above in "How to Do This Exercise".
Credits: adapted from an exercise developed by Ellen Mogensen and Sandra Skelly
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Past & Now Forward Holistic Counseling,