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Rules #40e: "Beginning All Over Again": Handling Difficult Changes

If you must change, here are some resources for you:

Adrianople Effect: How to recognize and deal with the moment that changes everything that follows it.
Now What?: Coping with changes that are required by encountering life's inevitable turning points.
Changing Moment: What is it that really creates change which is both permanent and beneficial.
Change Assessment: How to assess whether the old situation or the new changed circumstances are better.

Adrianople Effect

On August 9, 378 CE, the Romans lost the Battle of Adrianople marking the beginning of the end of the Roman Empire as well as the rise of barbarians.

"The moment that changed everything": that is what really happened at Adrianople.

* The Impossible is Possible: "Spread the word: the Romans have been defeated! The impossible has finally happened!" This was the chant that spread across Europe and Asia from one barbarian tribe to another. Adrianople was less significant as a victory in battle than as a defeat in mindset. For decades, the Romans had been coasting on their former track record of success in battle and the belief that they were invincible. Adrianople destroyed that belief forever.

* Forever Altered: The nature of life is that karma opens matrices - ways of life and being - for the learning of all concerned. When the Roman Empire could no longer deliver those lessons, it fell. This happened so that the new matrix of the barbarian experience could be created. After Adrianople, the balance of power shifted from the Romans to the barbarians. When an Adrianople-like event happens to you, you will know it because your life will be forever altered.

* Turns on a Dime: Even in modern times, life can turn on a dime. Adrianoples are everywhere: when a loved one is killed in a car accident, when you are diagnosed with a deadly disease, when you give birth to a child with a serious illness, when you lose all you have in a natural disaster, and so on. Even though we come to Earth to experience all these things, when we find ourselves Adrianople-d it is always painful to realize our life has been forever altered.

* Flow with Change: When an Adrianople-like event happens for you, the best thing to do is flow with the change. Instead of trying to recover the past, recognize that it is much better to flow with the change and to make your future the best that it can be. Hanging onto a past that can never be again will only end up breaking your heart and wasting your energy. Let go of the bad things change has brought you and look for the good things instead... because there are good things.

* Be Open: For many in the America, the worst Adrianople-like event was the Great Depression of the 1930s. And yet more millionaires were created at that time then at anytime since. For those who can be open to the fact that things have changed -and- can take advantage of that change, Adrianople-like events can offer great opportunities for those who are open to them and are willing to change.

Now What?

"There is nothing in this world constant but inconstancy." (Jonathan Swift)

Life is full of turning points. Each time we get to one, the natural question is "Now What?!"

* Life's Toughest Days: While you are on Earth, the only thing that never changes is that... things will change. That is the nature of life. Here are some turning points after which people are especially apt to ask "Now What?"

- Graduating from school: changing from being a student to becoming an adult and creating new life.
Children leaving home: changing from a full time parent caring for kids to a distant parent advising them.
Recovery from a serious illness or surgery: changing from experiencing illness to becoming healthy.
Concluding a legal process: changing from focusing on a trial (police, government, divorce) to living life.
Retirement from a long time job: changing from being a full time employee to having total free time.
Losing something precious (mate, child, house, money, etc): changing from grieving the loss to accepting it.
All of the above situations have one thing in common: you must change and there must be (some) action to effect that change. It is your choice as to whether you make things happen (by choosing what you will do) or just allow them to happen (by falling in with what others choose for you).
Most of the bad karma in the world comes from one person forcing their choices on another person.

Most of the
good karma in the world comes from one person choosing their path in life and deciding how their path can make a positive change in the world.
So when you find yourself asking the question, "Now what?", here are some empowering things to do:
- Ask yourself: what would I like to do with my time and life energy now? Once you decide, just do it!
- Ask yourself:
what do I feel passionate about now? Then go out and pursue and follow your passion.
- Ask yourself:
who would I like to get to know better? Seek opportunities to be-become their friend.
- Ask yourself:
where can I go for recreation? Find classes, learn new things, and put them into practice.
- Ask yourself:
how can I help make the world better? Do what opens your mind and expands your heart.

Changing Moment

"Today is the changing day in your life." (Dr Phil)

What makes a day the changing day in your life? It is your willingness and readiness to change.

* Only from the Inside: Individuals can only change themselves. As much as someone might want to change another and as much as that desire comes from the deepest place of love, lasting change only comes from within an individual. Change that is imposed from the outside never lasts. It stops when the outside pressure driving the change stops. Only when someone agrees to change - because of the desire to change comes from inside their heart - can lasting shifts be made.

* Recognition of Failure: Individuals usually are motivated to change only when they recognize that what they have been doing is not working. It is the failure of the past that opens an individual up to change in the future. As long as someone is convinced that what they are doing (or not doing) is serving them, they are not ready or willing to change that behavior. Being willing to change means taking action both to do (old) things differently and to do (new) different things.

* Openness to Advice: Long before individuals act on advice, they start by listening to it and considering it. Often, advice is a like a friend: it takes time to believe it and trust in it. The real changing moment is when the individual moves from just thinking about change to doing it. Whether they take advice from someone else or come up with ideas on their own, the change process has begun.

* Willingness to Act: Why change seems to take so long is that people mostly think things to death before they act. While action flows more smoothly when it is thoughtfully planned in advance, nothing changes unless action is taken. Why people need to think things through is to create the willingness to act. Before any action can be taken, the willingness must be there. So often the lack of willingness to act blocks the action through endless cycles of procrastination.

* Risk/Benefit: The changing moment happens when action is taken. Change happens because the benefits of the new way of doing things outweighs the risk of continuing the old ways of failure. It is a spiritual principle that an individual is truly ready to change, their whole world will change along with them.

Change Assessment

"All things must change to something new, to something different." (Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)

Change is not automatically good it is only different... and may or may not be better for you.

People think that change is good.... Here is a tool to assess whether the old or new (changed) situation is better:

1> Think of the old situation and list the top 3 things that you LIKED about it... yes, I mean liked about it... because you are never in any situation unless it served you somehow.

2> Think of the old situation and list the top 3 things that you DISLIKED about it... yes, there must be some dislike present -or- the universe would not be moving you in the direction of change.

3> Think of the new situation and list the top 3 things that you will GET from it... yes, if you were not going to get something from the situation than you would not be inclined to change.

4> Think of the new situation and list the top 3 things that you will GIVE to it... yes, change means that you are going to have to give something to the new situation to effect the change.

5> Compare the old to the new: Are you LIKING your old situation more than what you think you will GET from the new situation? Which is more attractive in this comparison: the old or the new?

6> Compare the old to the new: Are you DISLIKING your old situation more than what you think you will GIVE to the new one? Which is more attractive in this comparison: the old or the new?

7> Compare the positives (LIKE-OLD & GET-NEW) to the negatives (DISLIKE-OLD & GIVE-NEW). Then decide whether the positives outweigh the negatives or vice versa. Go with the winner.
Example: if I love my old work but dislike the money -and- I love the money but am lukewarm about the new work... what do I do?
I compare these choices and decide I love my old work so much more than the money from the new work, then the overall winner is staying with the old work... because the positives of the old situation absolutely outweigh both the benefits of the new situation as well as the downsides of the old situation... then it does not pay to change. Yet, if these circumstances were reversed, it would pay to change...
Using this tool will help you decide whether making a change is good or whether it is better to stay the same. Remember change is not always better, it is always different. Only you can decide if the change is for the better or not.

Credits: from channeled information.



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